Vampires have the most fun!
by Sometimes I lick windows
Summary: Narnia is here. Vampires and Vodka to come. Join us, for there are not enough seats at the table and we need more pudding! R&R if you would like cake!


**A/N: Hello and welcome to my random twisted mind! Please enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: If I owned CDF, then Kurda would be locked in my closet. Seeing as this is to the best of my knowledge false, I'd say that would be a sign of me not owning CDF.**

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><p>Rose: Ok, let's get the ball rolling. I would like to introduce the peoplecharacters that will be with us today. Firstly, we have our masters of darkness/spawn of Satan/random hyperactive fangirls, Vivacious Leash *audience applauses*, Evelyn Charlotte Sawyer *audience cheers wildly*, and me your most gracious host, Rose Blaze *crickets*.

Viv: Lol! You're so unloved Rose.

Rose: Just give it a minute. They'll realise they have disappointed their ultimate llama emperor and start clapping wildly *glares at audience*.

Audience: *runs and hides in closet*

Eve: Rose, you gotta stop doing that.

Rose: Meh, whatever. Now, where are our victims? *clicks fingers and larten, gavner, darren, kurda and steve appear*

Larten: What on earth ju- Oh gods! Not you three again!

Darren: Why us? What did we ever do to you?

Viv: It's not that you did anything to us. It's just that we're bored so we want to annoy you.

Eve: LARTEN! *glomps*

Larten: I told you last time, I do not like to be hugged.

Eve: I'm not hugging you. I'm glomping you. Huge difference.

Viv: Gavner, hug, please!

Gavner: No.

Viv: But I said please. When I say please, that means you _have_ to hug me. So, hug, please!

Kurda: Um, you do realise that their is a huge flaw in your logic.

Viv: I don't care. Go stuff your face! *hugs gavner*

Gavner: *shudders*

Rose: Hey! Don't talk to my man like that!

Viv: But he killed Gavner!

Rose: Who cares?

Viv: *gasp* *lunges for rose's throat*

Rose: *steps to the side* Ha! I win! *hugs kurda*

Viv: Whatever. Oh my god! Why is _Steve_ here?

Eve: *lets go of larten*

Larten: Oh thank the gods!

Eve: *points at steve* EVIL! KILL! *pitchfork and torch appears in hands*

Rose: Yes, kill, Kill, KILL! *steals larten's knifes*

Larten: What do you think you are doing with those?

Rose: Murdering Steve.

Larten: No.

Rose: Yes.

Larten: No you are not.

Rose: Yes I am.

Eve: Shut up you two. We must destroy the one known as Steve.

Viv: *shields steve with debbie* Noooo! He's hot!

Gannen: *rides in on white horse* Leave the boy alone!

Rose/Viv: *swoon*

Eve: What are you guys doing? We must kill Steve. He killed Larten.

Rose: But Gannen is hot and if he wants Steve to live, then live he shall.

Viv: *nods* Indeed.

Eve: *facepalms*

Kurda: With all you're talk of Gannen being handsome, I'm actually starting to feel very much unloved.

Gavner: You want Rose to love you?

Darren: Why?

Viv: He wants Rose to love him 'cause no-one else does.

Darren/Gavner/Larten: *sniggers*

Rose: Do you want me to kill you guys instead of Steve?

Gannen: No-one is killing Steve.

Viv: Come to think of it, where is Steve? *looks at Eve who is looking very guilty* Eve, what did you do to Steve?

Eve: I didn't do anything to Steve!

Rose: Darren, did you see what Eve did to Steve?

Darren: *glances nervously at Eve* He's in there. *points to closet*

Rose: He's in Narnia?

Viv: *facepalms* Oh my god, Rose. You're so blonde. No, he's just in the closet.

Rose: And it could well be the gateway to Narnia.

Viv: No, just no.

Rose: Bu-

Gannen: None of this chatter is helping Steve.

*screaming from closet*

Rose: Yes, we must enter Narnia and rescue Steve from the evil clutches of the White Witch! *raises sword while looking meaningfully off into the distance*

Kurda: *gently lowers Rose's arm* I think maybe we should just start by opening the door.

Viv: Yes, that would be a good idea. *walks towards closet*

Eve: … *tackles Vivacious*

Viv: *side-steps tackle* Nice tackle. *steps over Eve and opens closet*

Steve: *runs out of closet, clothes torn, screaming, into Gannen's arms*

Rose: Eve, what happened to him?

Eve: I don't know what you're talking about.

Gannen: Miss Sawyer, you will pay for what you have done to Steve.

Larten: Are you threatening Miss Sawyer?

Gannen: She has caused great physical, mental and emotional harm to my assistant. All for something he did not do.

Eve: "For something he did not do"? He killed Larten. How can you say that he did not do that?

Gannen: Steve did not kill Larten. Larten let himself fall to save his companions.

Eve: He killed Larten. No matter what you say, he still killed Larten.

Gannen: And no matter what you say, you still caused my assistant great harm. So you will receive punishment for your actions.

Larten: If Miss Sawyer is to be given any kind of punishment, you will not be the one to give it to her.

Rose: 'Cause Larten wants to bee the one to punish her. That's really kinky Larten but Larten I have to tell you that will only be ok if Eve agrees to it.

Larten: Miss Blaze, you disgust me.

Rose: You say that but I know you're enjoying the thought of punishing Eve.

Eve: Sorry, Larten but I don't think you would be the seme.

Larten: I-I-I… ahhhh… *eye-twitch*

Rose: Eve, I think we broke him.

Eve: *waves hand in front of Larten's face* Yep, I think we did. *sigh* Oh well, nevermind.

Rose: Don't worry, you can use Steve as your torture puppet.

Gannen: No. I said no.

Rose: That's excellent that you said no but that only really matters when you actually have a say in the matter.

Viv: Sorry, but she's right.

Gannen: Bu-

Rose: No buts. *hands Steve to Eve*

Eve: Yay! *runs into closet* To Narnia!

Rose: I knew that was the gateway to Narnia. I just knew it.

Viv: Hush now.

Gavner: So glad I don't have any these children after my head on a platter.

Darren: Same.

Kurda: Lucky you. *glances quietly at Vivacious*

Viv: You should have kept quiet, Kurda.

Rose: Don't you dare hurt my sock-puppet.

Viv: He killed my pedobear.

Gavner: Really, I have confronted Kurda and we have settled our dispute like adults.

Rose: *looks at the pair longingly* Did you two kiss?

Gavner/Kurda: What the-? No!

Viv: Aw, c'mon. Can you guys kiss, for us just once? Please.

Kurda: No, no, no!

Gavner: He's a man.

Viv: And so are you. Anything else that is completely obvious that you would like to state.

Rose: *Turns to reader/s ('cause I don't know how many of you would actually read this)* So, it is up to you, dear readers. If you would like to see these two, or anyone else, kiss or you have suggestions about what you would like to have done to the characters, then please review. For every review, Darren gets another muffin and he's just so cute, you know you want to give him a muffin.

Darren: So good night, dear readers. Please review, and I will give that muffin to any character of your choosing.

Viv: Dammit, why is he so fricking shota!

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><p><strong>AN: Thankyou for getting to the end of this huge pile of crap!**

**Please R&R and leave any suggestions or helpful hints that you care to leave! Thankyou *hugs***

**P.S Sometimes I lick windows...**


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